I was being sent to Aunt Angela’s for a while. I didn’t want to leave Mom, but she almost forced the issue. I could tell she was still torn apart after losing her daughter, my sister Janey. I don’t think I was much better off than her, closing my eyes I still could see her, her enthusiasm, her caring, her love for everything in life. The accident had taken her from us, the drunk driver that ran into her car walked away from the accident. Life is so god damn unfair. Janey and her best friend were killed in the accident, coming back from shopping at the mall.
Angela had helped so much all ready. She got Mom to see a psychiatrist, after her third visit to the shrink I could see a little improvement. Aunt Angela now turned her attention to me. When she came to pick me up, she explained that dealing with a loss of a loved one takes time, when your mother sees you, all the memories of her loss come rushing back. Both of you need a little time apart, to focus on what is important. Angela is not new to this, she lost her husband and daughter ten years ago, to another drunk driver. So this was nothing new. What made her so smart, well it probably was the doctorate degree she got in psychology. That was her way to cope, to go back to school and learn about people’s actions and thoughts.
I was taken to her home and offered my choice of bedrooms. I guess I surprised her when I asked if I could stay in her daughter’s old room. I got an immediate smile from her and she helped me unpack. She had neatened it up, but essentially it was still a young female’s room. She spent some time with me, helping me to cope with the loss, we went to movies, out to eat and even went to the beach one day. I sensed she was watching me, my every move and action, seeking to see how I was handling this loss. Truthfully, in my opinion, I was not handling it very well.
I could still close my eyes and see Janey staring at me. She loved to do it, knowing that it bothered me immensely. What she didn’t know was how attached I got to that action. When she did it she was feeling frisky, ready to take on the world, her quirky brother first. I never could stay solemn around her, she would pester me, tease me, annoy me and then out of the blue pull me into this huge hug, squeezing the daylights out of me. If I resisted I was kissed unmercifully until the smile she knew was there came out. Then just like that she was gone her job done for the day. It was so frustrating, yet in a way I looked forward to her efforts. That part of her is the part I miss the most.
Angie did get me to talk to her, it took a few days but she kept at it and soon all of this came out. I expected some type of therapy to help make me forget, instead she wanted me to savor the feelings, to remember all the good times and maybe write them down, a way to always remember what sis was like. On one of her trips out, she came back her SUV loaded with bags of clothes and stuff. It was Janey’s clothes and things from her room. We had a long chat that night, about why Mom wanted those things out of the house. Angie knew it was wrong, but to appease her sister she packed everything up. It was explained to me that Mom was trying to erase all the memories instead of treasuring the good times. To remember her daughter for who she really was.
I kept quiet, but Angie knew I was hiding some thought or desire. A lot of Janey’s clothes were put in the closet next to her daughters, my few male things squashed against the corner of the closet. Even some of her underwear was placed in the dresser in the room, my few male items laid on a chair in the corner of the room. I never questioned her actions, although almost anybody else could see what she was helping set up. It was several weeks later, I looked to the chair and saw there were no shorts left that were clean. I knew I couldn’t get by without any, so I opened the drawer and removed a pair of panties. I quickly pulled them up and grabbed my jeans before my mind fully realized what I had just done. If I couldn’t see them on my body there wouldn’t be any guilt, at least that is what I was trying to convince myself of.
Angie was downstairs when I came down, took one look at me and hauled me to the laundry room. I was shown how to do laundry, but instead of my shorts she made me do her lingerie first. Gawd she was evil. I had to place every item in the washer, after straightening it out, hooking the bra clasps together so that the hooks wouldn’t catch on other clothes. Then add the detergent and fabric softener. When the wash cycle ended I was called so I could put them in the dryer, even though she was standing right there when the washer buzzer went off. On top of that they were her underwear to start with. Then when the dryer beeped I had to fold each item and put it away in her drawers. As I was heading back to the living room, she informed me that I would do my frilly underwear the same way when there was enough for a load. I tried to deny her accusation, but she just raised an eyebrow and giggled.
There was never anymore said, I never did see any of my male underwear again, underpants and t-shirts suddenly missing. Of course, I never asked about them either, by then I was utterly entranced by the feel of frilly lacy underwear. I did respond differently to Angie now. When as a male, I did hug her some, but it was few and far between. Now it was common occurrence every time I greeted her in the morning. She would always hug me tighter, not letting me slip away quickly. I can’t tell you how wonderful those hugs were. I would even lean in to her more in the morning anticipating her tender heartfelt hug.
It was about a month later when we had another long talk. She had taken me to dinner, a movie afterward and when we got home she dragged me to the library in her home. It was actually her office, lots of books and reams of studies and college dissertations. I swallowed hard since her expression seemed quite serious.
“The time has come for you and your Mother to get back together for a few days. Your Mom has blocked every thought of your sister from her memory. She is coping with life, but has this big hole there now, empty and depressing. She needs you back in her life some, but also needs to be reminded of her daughter. You just can’t eliminate someone from your life, erase all the memories and expect things to be normal again.”
“Now you have a brain, I have showed you some things, what would you do if it was up to you?” I stared at her just like my sister would have done to me if she was still alive. I got a giggle from Angie, but she patiently waited for my response. I took way too long, but the idea I had suppressed for so long kept kicking at the door. I swallowed hard, I would dress as Janey and visit Mom showing her all of my love for her and sis. Those few words were spoken so softly, I was afraid if I spoke out, I would die a slow death. Angie smiled asking me to repeat what I had just said. I knew she heard me, but often I was told to repeat myself, I think more for me to understand what I had said than for her clarification.
“I would dress as Janey and visit Mom showing her all of my love for her and sis.” The hug that enveloped me was so good, I immediately broke into tears, well actually sobbing, Angie held me close, my head on her bosom soaking her blouse. I have no idea how long I was held, the fact that I was all cried out now spoke volumes of the time spent in her arms. I realized I had come to terms with my sister’s death, yes she was gone, but never from my memory. In everything I do she will be with me influencing my actions, making me proud of being her brother.
I felt Angie lay me on the bed, not sure how I got to the bedroom. I was kissed on the forehead and before she closed the door I was out to the world. I dreamed of Janey, but this time it was me acting like my sister, doing things as she would, talking like she would and most importantly loving as she would. When I awoke I was enthused, slipping off the nightie I don’t remember putting on yesterday. I showered, slipped on one of Janey’s pair of jeans, her favorite pull over top and slipped my feet into her favorite tennis shoes. I didn’t plan on doing this it just happened. I ran down the stairs sounding like a herd of buffalo, entered the kitchen and launched myself at Angie. She looked up hearing the thunder on the staircase and was waiting for me her arms spread wide.
“Oh Angie, thank you so much, the nightie was wonderful, can I help you fix breakfast? Is that a new dress, I just love it on you, the color is just you through and through. When can I visit Mom, she doesn’t stand a chance, I will have her laughing and crying within minutes of my arrival. That is good tears, not some old depressing sobs. Where can I start, do you want eggs or just toast. Come on we haven’t got all day, I have things I need to do, my hair is a mess, and look at my nails I can’t go out like this.” Angie was giggling by now, well it is more like laughing, okay rolling on the floor is a better description. “Gee why won’t anyone hurry up, there are too many things that need to be done.”
I was given a glass of juice, I am sure to just keep my quiet, if I was drinking I couldn’t talk. Angie did feel my forehead to make sure I wasn’t burning up with some weird fever. After she quit giggling I was held tightly, again in self-preservation mode. I did calm down some, but even though I wasn’t vocalizing much my mind was still going a hundred miles an hour. Angie had been listening to me, I had an appointment at her salon for later to get my hair and nails taken care of. When I returned to my room I went through the closet, picking one or two outfits to take with me to Mom’s. Well it turned out to be a small suitcase full. I didn’t waste my time, my few remaining pieces of male clothing were packed away and I carried them to the garage. I did mark Goodwill on the boxes, those clothes I will never need again.
Angie watched all of this, never making comments but keeping an eye on what I was doing. I was bouncing off the walls as we made it to her salon, I was babbling about anything and everything, picking out the hair style I wanted and my new nail color. My hair got washed, conditioned and cut into a real cute feminine hairstyle. I had grown it to shoulder length, so there was enough length to frame my face. I got the hair in curlers treatment, then under a dryer for almost an hour. While my hair was baking my nails were lengthened, then coated in way too many coats of an absolutely adorable shade of pink. To say I loved my new nails would be quite an understatement, constantly looking at them, the glossy pink color almost mesmerizing.
Two hours later I was now the female equivalent of Jody. I made Angie bring my suitcase when she came to pick me up, determined to see what I could do to get Mom back in life again. I was enthusiastically hugged by Angie, her obvious approval of my new look.
We showed up on Mom’s doorstep, me bouncing out of the car and through the door. I had a mission and was going to get results. I found Mom in the kitchen, getting up from the table as she heard the front door slam shut. I approached, the shock on her face was very evident. I walked up to her and took her in my arms, pulling her to me. She tried to pull away, but I was determined. I could hear some sobbing and when I backed away a bit I could see the tears. I placed my hands on both sides of her face making her look me in the eyes.
“Mom, Janey is gone, but I am Jody your other daughter. I need you in my life to teach me about being a female, but you also need me, so that I can show you all the love I have for you, the love Janey and I have for our Mom. So no more tears, you are in the loving hands of your daughters. Janey and Jody will look after you and love you and care for you. But you need to love and care for us too, not try and erase our memories. Now since that is settled what are we having for supper?”
I got a giggle from her, Angie in the background just smiled, Jody and Janey had managed what modern psychotherapy had not been unable to.
Mom was lost, trying to piece all of this together, other daughter, Jody is my son isn’t he? She looked my way, I just grabbed her and kissed her on the cheek. Come on Mom let’s go I am starving. More giggling from her, Angie offering to take us to dinner. I shrieked I need my suitcase, I can’t go out looking like this. I grabbed the keys from Angie and ran out of the house to great laughter. I ran back in and headed to Janey’s old room. I heard Mom and Angie talking, I presume about me. I pulled out a dress and within five minutes I was bouncing back down the stairs. I grabbed each of their arms and pulled, come on your daughter is starving here. Angie was chuckling but Mom still was sporting the deer in the headlights look.
We were at the restaurant before Mom began to get it together. I knew I had won, but still needed to reinforce her behavior. I grabbed her hand and pulled her harder into the lobby, telling the hostess we were hungry and need a table for three. We were seated to quite a bit of smiles from the other patrons, Mom did sit right next to me, a sign of some acceptance. I asked her what she had been doing while I was gone, to her remarks I just sighed and stated the obvious ‘boring’, but I will help you get rid of the boredom. “We can go shopping, the new earrings they have out are to die for, I need new underwear, and the full cut panties are for old women.” I got a harrumph on that, but I just carried on. “I need new posters for my bedroom, also since I am old enough for makeup now, we can go to the Mac counter and I can get a makeover. Won’t that be fun, maybe I can get my ears pierced too, all the pretty earrings are only for pierced ears, Pleaseeeee.”
Ordering food and drinks cut down on the conversation some, but as we finished our meals Mom leaned over and hugged me, I leaned in to her making sure we were touching and whispered in her ear that I love her so much. Angie paid the tab as two females, a mother and her daughter with tears dripping from their eyes left the restaurant.
When we got back to the house we all sat down and talked and talked. Angie explaining about what she had shown me and that Jody had implemented all of this on her own, yes on her own. She maybe was born with male parts, but is undoubtedly a female otherwise. All the time I was sitting next to my Mom my head on her bosom. After midnight I wandered off to bed, I could still hear Mom and Angie talking downstairs as I slipped into oblivion. Well into a nightie, then into oblivion. It was such a delicious nightie, baby doll in style and a pale pink color with lots of lace. It felt heavenly on my body, even better when I snuggled into bed clutching it to my body tightly.
The next morning I just laid there, hoping Mom will be alright now, nothing will bring Janey back, but her love for all of us can help us go on in life. Maybe through me she can make Mom’s life somewhat normal again, ease some of the pain and bring Mom and I closer together. I have to remember to thank Angie for all she has taught me, that and Janey’s love for all of us just might brighten this part of the world some.
Angie came to get me out of bed, sitting next to me on the bed and taking my hands in hers. “Jody, you did well. There is still some reluctance to join in, but several times this morning she has commented on you actions last night. Give her time and lots of love, I am sure she will now participate in life as she should. I presume you intend to live as the female Jody now, you are acting just like a girl, a fact that I have not taught you. I wonder where you picked up all of the mannerisms from. Personally I think Janey and you were sisters all along, you just withheld more than she did.”
I looked up at Angie, smiled and said “Janey is right here in my heart, where she will stay for the rest of my life. We will both take care of Mom love her and care for her. Now that is settled, I will visit often, I think you could use a little loving too. You have no choice, you just as well accept it and learn to live with it. Now have you found any guys that turn you on? That next door neighbor of yours is kind of cute, he looks like he is loaded and has big hands, you know what that means don’t you? Angela started laughing after the blood stopped invading her upper torso. I have never seen her that red and blushed, ever. She retaliated by hugging me to death, trying to get even for my remark that caused her to be embarrassed.
Mom still tried to withdraw some from life, but I was there in her face, hugging, kissing, talking, and dragging her everywhere. Most of Janey’s things fit me, so I really didn’t need many clothes. But dragging Mom to shop with me was part of the therapy. Into as many stores as possible, holding up items to me to get her comment or opinion. About three weeks later we were eating a hamburger at a place a couple of blocks from the mall when she thanked me.
“I know I was a mess, but you have reminded me of how much I am loved from both of my daughters, and how much I was wallowing in my misery. Thank you for saving me from myself, I will treasure our time together for the rest of my life. Now what are your plans for college, I will not have a daughter that is not educated and working toward her career.”
I was tempted to tell her that I just wanted to find a rich guy and marry, becoming a housewife and watch daytime TV. I was pretty sure that would not fly, so in the interest of keeping my butt swat free, decided to skip that part. I told her that graduating from high school was first, maybe I can get a scholarship for college, but time will tell. I do like what Angie is doing, maybe being a psychologist is in my future. I can start with that intention and if all fails I can become a stripper, they make a lot of money and don’t need many clothes. I got such a look, if certain kinds of looks could kill, I would be a smoldering mess right now.
Most of the drama had occurred during summer break, Sis getting killed right after school let out. I had three weeks before school resumed, deciding to consult Angie about her help in getting me enrolled as a female in school. To my surprise she had already performed the task, Jody now a female and a sophomore in school. She had obtained some other doctor’s evaluations of me, along with hers they were submitted to the school board. I was classified as a transsexual, after making sure I would be protected from bullies, my records were changed, now I am an official female student of Richardson High School. A day before school started Angie and I met with the principal, discussed about what bathroom I would use and arranged for a place for me to change in private for P.E. class.
I managed to persuade Angie and Mom about my need for some new clothes, a sophomore female can’t just wear what she wore last year, it just isn’t done. They moaned and groaned, but I got my way, a cute daughter who is very vocal can get just about anything she wants. The first day of school I was up early, the clothes I had picked out yesterday to wear seemed all wrong, then I went through my closet, stacking the rejects on my bed. Finally I ran out of time, having to settle on a dress that barely covered my panties, the only way I got out of the house with it on was the fact that I was already heading for the bus before she saw me in it. I called Angie, asking her to talk to Mom today, maybe she could keep Mom from buying me a chastity belt today, or some such device to discourage the males away from her wayward daughter. I got a laugh from Angie, but she told me it would cost me big, so don’t be surprised when the bill is delivered.
School was really anticlimactic after what transpired over the summer. I made a lot of new friends, everybody treating me just like I was a real female. I managed some better grades, the new Jody more focused on learning something, instead of just attending class. I went to all of the dances, being a part of the group was important to me, the male Jody more of a loner, never wanting to indulge in anything social. I was elected to the student council, president of the chess club and a sophomore attendant to the homecoming queen.
I managed to get Mom to join the PTA, one of their functions was to chaperon the frequent school dances. At the monthly PTA meetings she found a guy that showed interest in her. They dated a couple of times, but Mom was reluctant to do anything more. I stepped up to the plate catching them leaving the house for one of their infrequent dates.
“Look you two this has gone on long enough, let’s quit the chit chat and get down to business. First I want you two to kiss each other right now.” They leaned into each other and gave each other a peck on the cheek. “Gawd, do I have to show you two everything. Let’s have some passion here, you act like you are compatible, but at this rate I will be an old maid before I get a baby brother or sister.” I gave them each a push towards each other, then smiled as the kiss turned sensual and mushy. I left the two love birds, went to my room and emailed Angie, telling her there might be a wedding in the near future.
Angie emailed me right back, wanting to know who my boyfriend was, and if she had met him yet. I replied it was Mom with the boyfriend, from the way they are acting a definite possibility of another child added to the family, with me finally getting a dad after all of these years. I liked Mom’s boyfriend, he was level headed, smart, and made a lot of money in the stock market. We often talked, about what I wanted in life, and about how I came to be a daughter instead of a son. I was truthful, and he thanked me for helping to get Mom back in the game. He had tried to approach her before the PTA, but was soundly rejected on numerous occasions.
Although I had school now to keep me occupied, I never lost contact with the Janey inside of me. Over a period of time I found myself adopting a lot of her habits, not consciously, but before I knew it I was doing almost everything just like Janey would. Even a few of my girlfriends at school made the mistake of calling me Janey. They apologized immediately, but to me it was an honor to be seen as Janey by them.
I kept at Mom and her new beau, often embarrassing them when I could catch them sneaking kisses and hugs. Pretty soon get a room for that was a normal phrase spoken in the house. I loved to see the two blush red, then try to sneak away to continue their fun. After six months of dating I gave them an anniversary present. Mom missed the whole thing about it being her six month anniversary, but Nate her beau did not, getting her a gorgeous pair of earrings. I surprised them by paying for their anniversary dinner at a nice restaurant and gave him money for a dance club after. When handing him the money, I point blank asked if he was ever going to ask the question. He blushed a bright red. I pointed to my face. Look wrinkles, if you wait much longer I will need a face lift before I can be a part of your wedding. He didn’t ask her that night but a week later he did, and stupid Mom told him she would think about it. When I found out, I cornered Mom in her bedroom, the sleep still in her eyes.
“Are you nuts, get a backbone and call him right now, make a date for tonight and do what you know is right. Are we clear on this or do I need to go with you and make sure you wrap this up. He is gorgeous, he loves you, what the hell more do you need. Oh, he will make a great father, plus he can afford to keep me in clothes as I go through my Princess years. So come on, before you lose him and piss me off.” She was giggling at my daughter / mother talk, but was reaching for the phone as she did so.
I made sure she was dressed to the nines, then cornered him as he came to the door, promising him anything he wanted if he would ask her again tonight. He smiled, it’s a deal, now do you want to know what I want from you? I swallowed hard, then nodded yes. I got a huge hug, then he whispered in my ear, you have to continue to love your Mom and every once in a while give me a kiss and a hug. I launched myself at him, hanging from his neck as he started laughing at me. I got even kissing him all over his face, then when Mom showed up telling her that he was cavorting with several girls as he came up the sidewalk. Mom looked at me, cavorting huh, maybe you need to look up the meaning of the word before you spread it around. With that they were out the door, I sure hope they finally get it together, I could certainly use a Dad every once in a while. They did agree on a date that night, finally Mom will have someone besides me and Janey in her life and I will have a Dad for a change.
I did well in school, my senior year I was elected homecoming queen and later just before graduation I was told I would be valedictorian. I managed a scholarship for college, deciding to pursue being a psychologist like Angie. When Mom got married after way too long of an engagement I got to be a bridesmaid, I was so happy for them. My new father was everything I thought he was, I was loved unconditionally, made to mind and he guided me as I made my way through college. His advice was like Angie’s telling me the options then making me decide how to implement the actions I chose.
I still do the Janey thing quite often, now not so much as Janey would perform the feat, but as I would do it. Janey had changed me, now I am like her, both somewhat in looks and exactly like her in actions.
There is a boy in my life now, we met in my senior year of high school, dated some and then at graduation he asked me to go steady with him. He knew about me from the start, but was in love with the female Jody. I tried to dissuade him several times, suggesting that he could have a relationship with a normal female, one that could give him children and much more. His answer always the same. “No, the Jody I fell in love with is all the female I need. Now shut up and kiss me.” I did and the conversation was over. I eventually stopped trying to dissuade him, a fact he was very happy about. He even decided to go to the same college as me, not wanting to be away from me if he could prevent it.
I imagine we will marry, four years of dating and enjoying each other leaves me kind of hooked on him. He has met my parents and has been approved. Even Angie likes him. We cuddle a lot, kiss like two sex starved teenagers, but have not done the deed. I am sure he would like to, but respects me and my wishes. My official word on the subject is I would like to wait until I marry, unofficially let me at him. I am sure it won’t be much longer, the will to resist is getting weaker every day.
To think it all started with a sister’s love.
Story Complete For Now
© 2016 thru 2021 Fran Cesca Walker